Let me start by saying I don’t really tell anyone this story…..

With tears streaming down my 12yr old face I lunge forward, slide tackle the left back and dribbled the ball over the goal line for the game winning goal. As I look up and see every single one of my teammates running towards me to celebrate, I realized all of us were crying.

Just 10 hours earlier, my best friend and teammate was killed by his mother, who then killed herself. My parents asked me out right “Are you sure you want to play in this game today?” and out came my reply without an ounce of hesitation was “I have to!!”

Soccer saved me — the game gave me the catharsis I needed. It gave me someone to lean on when no one else could possibly fill the void of the loss of my best friend.

As we pulled into the soccer field parking lot my parents let me know that not all of the other kids knew of their deaths yet. I looked at them and told them I would tell the other players.

I had to as it was my job as his best friend.

Can you imagine a 12 year old boy gathering his teammates before kick off and letting them know that one of their players won’t be there today because he was murdered by his own mother??

As I delivered the news and the tears began to drop to the grass, I realized my only salvation would be my 70 minutes on this field. The same field where I spent countless hours with my best friend and teammate, knowing at that moment there was nothing more in life that I wanted.

I needed to play soccer.

I needed the feeling of love, the feeling that I wouldn’t be let down, the feeling that for that split second I could feel my best friend there on that field with me. I needed to know that life would continue with some ounce of normalcy.

When people talk about emotion and sports–there will never be anything more emotionally and physically draining than this game. Not this day.

We played the entire game with tears in our eyes and at least twice I had to walk off the field because I could barely breathe as the tears choked my air away. As the final whistle blew, many of us fell to the ground with our parents rushing onto the field to embrace us and give us whatever support they could.

I can’t even fathom what it must feel like to look into the eyes of your oldest son and see that pain.

As we walked off the field I felt relieved, knowing that nothing in my life will ever be the same, but realizing at this moment that SOCCER SAVED MY LIFE.

Soccer will be there when I need to release stress, anger, or devastation. Soccer will always be there for me to call upon when I need a best friend. Just the ball, some grass and I can be ripped away from the reality of life for a countless amount of time.

I can always take my soccer ball, walk outside and just juggle…and juggle….and the next thing I know my mind is blank. I have forgotten everything for those precious few moments that I have the ball at my feet. The only thing I hear is the steady rhythm of the ball as it bounces off my feet, thighs and head.

My mind is clear—and when I lunge for the ball, miss and it hits the ground, my mind snaps back to reality. I pick up my ball and walk inside.

I know it will always be there for me, right there in my room, on the floor.

Thank you soccer, you saved me, and I love you.

Anonymous

I know Beans and I just put this up, but this could be one of the most heart wrenching stories I’ve read. Thank You Anonymous for allowing us the opportunity to share this with you.

I felt like he was my best friend as well.