Everybody has a favorite WAG, watch the Bild slideshow…

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I think Theo Walcott is going to be OK. First you put three into the back of the net against Croatia, and then you get in your Ferrari or Bentley or Mercedes and then go home and score a couple of more times with this.

Say Hello to Melanie Slade… (more…)

Top Ten Reasons I Should’ve Played Soccer

10. two words: orange wedges

9. you can yell at the referees all you want and they never do anything about it

8. two more words baby: SNOT ROCKET!!!

7. Soccer squads have the best nicknames

Crazy Gang … La Maquina … and my personal favorite Cabbage and Ribs …

6. You can be a regular sized human being and still play the game at the highest level

5. Soccer boots are way hotter these days than basketball shoes - soccer cleats ARE the new basketball shoes, 195 bucks really!? the only problem is you cant wear them to kick it with some jeans…

4. Awesome fans and the stadiums are cathedrals - the chants, the singing, the toilet paper bombs.. i love it! i mean, i like going to the Staples Center more than anyone but England and Old Trafford, done and done

3. If you are really good .. .you can make a ton of money, be huge all over the world and be totally anonymous in America - unless you are Becks of course

2. If you play your cards right, and you are good enough… you get to live in Europe after high school and don’t have to go to college

1. WAGS - This is the whole reason for this post… NBA and NFL get attractive girls, but euro soccer stars change girls like its going out of style … if i gotta see one more post of Cristiano with his shirt off and some hott topless chick I’m going to go crazy

Carly Zucker - Joe Cole … I’m going to say that Joe Cole is the winner in my book! what do you think?

The darkside to the life of spray-on tans, pencil skirts and Jimmy Choo’s is revealed to The Daily Mail.

Image via FortheloveofBlush

WAG Gemma Atkinson’s 2008 Calendar is obviously… ummm, I’m sorry, was I saying something?

From the WTF files - Christian “Chippen” Wilhelmsson has signed a two year deal worth 3.6 Million Euros with Saudi Arabian defending Champions Al Hilal.

The 28 year olds club experience has been crazy, starting with Mjalby and moving to Stabaek, Anderlecht, Nantes, loans to Roma, Bolton and Deportivo La Coruna, Chippen’s been all over the place.

BUT, he’s a damn good winger and a player that should be playing at a much higher level than Al Hilal, no disrespect.

I’m just wondering how his Russian-born Swedish Model Girlfriend, Oksana Andersson is going to sun herself anymore.

Pics after the Jump…

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While she hasn’t had the best week according to all accounts, at least she’s got a smile on her face.

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With the staples removed and fully rested after his 2008 Euro’s disappointment, Chelsea’s Michael Ballack made his way down the isle, marrying longtime partner and mother of his 3 children, German WAG Simone Lambe.

The 31 year old Ballack and 30 year old Lambe wed yesterday in the Knight’s hall of the Bavarian Palace Kempfenhausen.

image via DailyMail

Apparently CRon7 has had enough and is moving on from Nereida Gallardo.  This off season has been full of drama and heavy media speculation, and it looks like this could be the latest bit in the ongoing saga. I’m not particularly suprised by this, as dude is super young and literally has the world at his feet. Besides it sounds like his mama was not a big Nereida fan, and that couldn’t have helped her prospects.

It’s summertime and soccer news is a bit slow right now (aside from the killer SuperClassico last night) before the Olympics, EPL, and the second half of the MLS season crank up….

But, how can you not like the heck out of Frankie Hey Dude? The guy’s attitude is outstanding, he plays several years younger than his age, and there is no one nicer to fans. Becks misses his English pubs, but loves his cars, and picks up new lingo in LA. Is this a new kind of Reebok backpack, a male sports-bra, or Bolton’s new home kit? And if you are solidly in the Bob Bradley/USSF corner these days, you might not want to read this review of the “Bradley Era”. If Ronaldo is a slave, what are the rest of us? And is there really any doubt where Russian assassin Arshavin is going? It could only be one place imo…Chelski, despite what this article says. ManCity looking at Bay Village, OH legend, Brad Friedel.

Speaking of pick-ups, while we wait for Season Two of The Pick-Up Artist, Mystery-inspired “PUA’s” cruise a Skokie, IL shopping mall looking for digits with limited results. Who didn’t cruise the malls back in the day and go home frustrated and play videogames…? Remember that Elliot Spitzer controversy several months ago? Here’s an update on Ashley Dupre. Have you ever seen a girl with such obvious WAG dna? Come on, there’s got to be an MLSer ready to create some drama and start mixing with this one.

Last but not least, I like Pete Doherty but imagine if he started hanging around your work and was sniffing around your attractive and innocent 17 year old daughter….that would be mildly upsetting. I wouldn’t mess the King of Pain though.

FC Uptown

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